


Nostalgia

by decendium



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: A verbal mess, Canon Compliant, Fantasy, M/M, Self-cest, Smut, Some kinks go down, references to early fandom things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 21:00:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12117144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decendium/pseuds/decendium
Summary: A younger Jongdae meets his future self and learns to grow a little more into his own skin. Set in 2013.  (Prompt #170)





	Nostalgia

**Author's Note:**

> I would first like to thank the prompter for allowing me to write about the past members. Linguistic liberties were taken, I may have gone off into a tangent since this was a pwp prompt. I didnt just run with it, I took a rocket onto another planet with it. Not yet self-betaed. You can Ctrl+F "Older Jongdae" if you want smut. Deciding how to pace the smut scenes gave me some trouble, There was an attempt to find a middle ground between ‘hot sex’ and ‘virgin-like insecurity’. Also what is a title.

 

 

 

Maybe if he were born a girl, it might’ve be different. It would be easier to come to terms with his feelings for men.

It would have also been easier if Jongdae didn’t feel so antsy in his own skin.

EXO’s been stuck in the practice room for the past two months, perfecting their dance moves for Growl. It’s their most well received song so far and while it’s tiring to run through the choreography multiple times a day, they can’t deny it's the most rewarding feeling to hear the defending screams of their fans while on stage. Jongdae would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy dance practice; sure he isn’t the best dancer in the group but the camaraderie and encouragement between the boys makes it worth the sweat. It has also come to the attention of Jongdae that while enjoying the attention that’s been given to him, he’s been checking out his fellow members more often.

Thick thighs stretching the fabric of pants during the dance break of growl, it makes Jongdae want to strangle the choreographer for including the leg spread with Sehun in centre front. Sometimes, Jongdae catches himself looking at the maknaes and Yixing, dancer hips swiveling fluidly to the beat and he digs his fingernails into his own palm to snap out of it. Let’s just say that there’s certain dangly bits flopping around clearly when everyone is dressed comfortably to dance. Joonmyun and Minseok has also been joining Zitao at the gym and there’s definition in muscles that Jongdae had no idea where they could be. There’s just something incredibly _frustrating_ about being in a group of attractive men, all eleven of them sweaty and gross like they’ve been through rigorous rounds of sex instead of dancing their butts off.

_Why the fuck is everyone so hot, my hormones are freaking out._

And maybe he’s overthinking it but Jongdae is sure that at least two of his members checking him out, feeling eyes on his back - with Baekhyun throwing him smirks in the mirror when he catches his gaze and touching his butt unnecessarily. It starts off being fun and flirty but Jongdae is beginning to feel the pent up tension whenever EXO gets together, some more than the others. It doesn’t escape Jongdae when he spots hints of half-hard dicks or full on boners during dance practice. Jongdae is certain that not everyone is totally straight with hungry pairs of eyes exchanging knowing looks. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, knowing the rush of hormones that comes out with suggestive hip movements but nobody acts on them except to maybe jerk off in the washroom alone occasionally.

“Great job guys, we’re done with dance practice.” Junmyeon announces when they’ve reached the end of their second hour.

A chorus of loud relieved and happy whoops sounds out and the members spread out through the dance studio; some leaving to get a shower or have their late lunch before heading to other schedules. Jongdae flops onto the floor, letting his tired limbs take a break before moving. Sehun comes over to poke his face repeatedly with a finger like he’s checking if Jongdae is still alive, he laughs playfully when Jongdae swats at him with a scowl. The maknae bounces off to the side with Kyungsoo, extorting a meal out of him with whines. Jongdae snorts when he overhears Sehun saying it was Kyungsoo’s turn to treat the youngest as it’s his duty. As if he isn’t spoiled and coddled enough by all the hyungs.

“Dae, you want to have lunch?” Minseok asks from across the studio.

“Are you treating?” Jongdae asks, raising an eyebrow while Minseok smirks, nodding over to Luhan.

“Lunch is on Luhan, he owes me coffee money.”

“Hey! I’ve already paid you the balance last week!”

“You’re forgetting that cafe trip to  the week before that.”

“Well if you say so then, but I don't remember saying I’m treating Jongdae also, when I’m a poor man-”

Jongdae’s face falls at Luhan’s words. “You guys can go without me.” Jongdae interrupts, voice soft.

Luhan immediately looks at Jongdae’s direction, shaking his head. “You didn’t let me finish, like I’m not treating when I’m a poor man who doesn't need further punches to his wallet and ego because of his stinky friends. I can’t have you two taking attention away from me.”

”Oh.” Jongdae laughs quietly when Minseok elbows him Luhan in the gut. “I’d head back to the dorm to shower.”

“Can I join you? I’d wash your back for you,” There’s a twinkle in Luhan's eyes while Minseok blanches dramatically in mock disgust.

Jongdae flushes in his cheeks, turning away to pick up his belongings. “I’m not Zitao, I don’t need people to shower with me.”

Luhan corners Jongdae, slinging an arm around his shoulders and pulling him along with Minseok. “It's can be our manly bonding time.”

“Don’t give me that manly bullshit when you just want to oogle our asses,” MInseok pushes a cackling Luhan away, pressing him towards Jongdae who nearly topples over with the action. Jongdae gasps as Luhan laughs against his ear, the breath tingling against the sensitive flesh. It sends goosebumps down Jongdae’s back, a shiver jolting down to his dick from how close the other male is. _So fucking unfair._

Jongdae has a huge thing for Luhan and it makes sense, considering how close they are, being the main vocalists of EXO-M with similar schedules. He’s also one attractive man and Jongdae isn’t sure if he’s thankful for having Luhan as a roommate or deeply regretful for not rooming with Yixing from the start. He then almost slaps himself because he feels a hint of warmth pooling at his nether regions. Who the fuck gets a boner from being hugged? Kim Jongdae apparently. Jongdae attempts to shrug Luhan off but it results in the older male clinging to him closer, insisting on ruffling his hair like a little child. “You’re sticky as fuck, and you’re putting your sweat on me, ew!” Jongdae whines loudly,

“I’m marking you!”

Luhan’s words has Jongdae flushing instantly, making his skin prickle all over.

Minseok rolls his eyes. “I have enough of you lovebirds, I’m heading back without you two.”

“Wait for us!” Luhan yells, scrambling after Minseok out of the studio while tugging Jongdae along.

Jongdae wishes that he didn’t say that he didn’t want Luhan to wash his back.

 

 

 

 

 

The next few days fly past in a blur. And before Jongdae realises it, it turns into weeks and it's already near the end of August.

Growl is doing beyond expectations, getting number ones on music shows left and right. It's even on its way to reaching the record of most wins by an idol group held by their seniors, Girls Generation's Gee. Jongdae doesn't understand the sudden boom in popularity but its pleases him immensely. The feeling of seeing the award shelf back in the dorms needing more space is just as great as getting their first win with Wolf.

Riding on a high, EXO practices harder in anticipation for the end of year shows.

Jongdae barely remembers the time he had more than five hours of sleep, feeling awfully detached from himself and everything. Sleep is a luxury during their workdays with newer dance routines and song remixes produced. There's the noticeable tiredness with his fellow members and the constant flying between countries doesn't help either.

It's during backstage preparations at a concert somewhere in China when Jongdae's feelings come back trickling slowly.

With about an hour to EXO’s turn on stage, Jongdae is sitting in front of the vanity contemplating his life choices. He doesn’t know if it's the lack of sleep settling into his body or the nerves thrumming inside his chest but Jongdae is starting to regret leaving his bed, cuddled by warm blankets. The stylist had been fussing about with his hair for the past twenty minutes, pulling his hair into curls and sweeping them in different directions indecisively. Jongdae sighs as he stares back into his reflection. There’s more than enough pronounce to his cheekbones, completely unrelated to the makeup bronzed onto his face.

If Jongdae is optimistic, he would be happy for the opportunity to share his talent with a global audience. If Jongdae is pessimistic, he would be cursing the stars for letting him be a talented singer stuck in the busy idol industry. Jongdae has trained to sing, dance, act and even how to talk in multiple situations for his debut. It has already been over a year and he still hasn’t warmed up to the strict diets. _Gotta be pretty and handsome, especially since the fanbase is still growing._ Jongdae entwines his hands together, letting out a short breath as he feels his stomach rumble. It gives away his hunger.

"I assume you haven’t eaten?" Luhan asks.

"If you mean lunch no," Jongdae answers, closing his eyes as the stylist covers his dark eye circles with concealer.

"Yifan wouldn't like that," Luhan says with a noise of disapproval.

"If you're trying to threaten me with _Duizhang_ it doesn't work anymore, we all know he's just an oversized dork with angry eyebrows."

Luhan smirks, letting silence stretch out a while between him and Jongdae. The stylist does her last finishing touches on Jongdae's mouth with a lip tint before moving on the next member who isn't napping. Jongdae raises a curious eyebrow at Luhan, who had been patiently waiting for him to get his makeup done. It's like Luhan had something more important to say, but he makes no mention of it. Luhan frowns when he watches Sehun and Jongin put medicinal relief patches on their backs, exchanging soft words of encouragement to each other.

"We're already lacking ample sleep and proper meals, I don't need you skipping on food just because of unneeded diets."

"Says someone who's guilty of that," Jongdae replies, chuckling when Luhan's expression immediately changes into indignant guilt.

"I know my limits and you're still growing, so eat your food."

"I'm twenty internationally, hyung. I think my growing is just about done already."

"Who's the hyung trying to be nice here?" Luhan grunts, handing him an open paper bag. "I took this from the refreshment table. Eat."

There's a half eaten sandwich and two fruit tarts. Food that had probably gotten stale, having been out in the open for too long since rehearsals in the morning. Jongdae smiles nonetheless, letting his fingers linger against Luhan's hand. It's warm, like Luhan's gesture.

"I didn’t say you weren’t a nice hyung, _Luhan_ _hyung_." Jongdae sasses with a chuckle.

 

 

 

 

“Alright boys, as you know we’ve released the first full length album XOXO and we want to ride on the rising popularity.” Ahreum, the co-ordinating manager begins. “The other managers and I have been through some discussion with the higher ups and publicists and we’ve come to the decision of having EXO’s first reality show. This is our strategy to maintain public interest and gain newer fans at the same time. We’re partnering with MBC for this project and we’d be filming soon for a total of twelve episodes.”

The members look around the meeting room, curiously searching for each other’s input. They’ve been called into this meeting directly after breakfast with Ahreum noona, to discuss concepts with their publicist and a broadcast representative from MBC.

“May we know what are we doing and filming for this reality show?” Junmyeon asks.  

“It’s something for the fans, I’m sure they’re curious about your lives off stage so we’d be filming things like the daily things you do behind the scenes.”

“Ah pardon me but doesn’t that sound not very interesting since all we mostly do is practice and stay in the dorms when we aren’t?” Yifan offers.

“Which is why we have a publicist and representative here to discuss other activities that’s happening on the show with you all.” Ahreum responds with a smile. “Think of it as way to relax and fun while you’re filming since there will be no other extra schedules on filming dates. Youngjun and Hyunkyun here will explain more.”

“Right so filming dates have been finalised and we’d be filming the episodes in the second half of October and moving towards November. And then there’s a break in December.” Youngjun, their publicist pipes up after while Hyunkyun brings up a whiteboard with calendar dates. “Growl has been winning a lot on music shows and EXO’s name is rising in public and we’d like to show a different side to the EXO members. And like Ahreum has said, think of it as way to relax because we’ve planned episodes for a trip to a beachside vacation home, Chanyeol’s birthday and Christmas so far.”

“A episode just for me?” Chanyeol perks up at the sound of his name, smiling happily.

“It’s only because we’re filming in November, you fool. We’re just not as lucky.” Baekhyun quips up suddenly.

“Byun Baekhyun! Are you tired of living?”

“You two, stop!” Junmyeon chastises quickly.

“With you around I’m surprised I’m still living.” Baekhyun retorts while the others laugh.

“Boys! I know this meeting is informal but please give useful comments.” Ahreum deadpans with an unimpressed look, earning a few snickers.

“This could have been an interesting episode already, if this happens on a daily. You boys are sure lively.” Hyunkyun comments with a wry smile.

“Lively is one way to put it, but I agree there’s potential.” Youngjun says as he moves towards the whiteboard while Hyunkyun brings up a laptop. Hyunkyun begins to show EXO a series of presentation slides, picking some notable articles on Naver and fan comments from social media. “The general consensus from your fans are that they want to you boys relax and be happy Are there any suggestions for the remaining episodes?”  
“When is the show airing?”  
“Once a week from 28th November to 13th February next year.”

“We could do an episode for Jongin and Kyungsoo’s birthday too if it’s airing until next year!”

“Or maybe a trip somewhere, to Seoul maybe for the M-members since they’ve been interacting less with the locals?”

The meeting room fills with excited chatter after that, the members each coming up with suggestions.

 

 

 

 

 

“Ah, it’s cold! Cold! Cold! Cold!” Jongdae complains while cycling.

Yixing and Luhan laughs while Minseok turns around to look at the trio briefly, lowering his pace so the others could catch up. Currently they’re filming an episode of _Showtime_ and the foursome had decided on doing activities they used to as trainees -  cycling, playing basketball and going to a convenience store and roadside food stalls for food. Yixing and Minseok had been playing a game of basketball with strangers while Luhan and Jongdae watch at the sidelines, occasionally filming with the go-pro cameras given to them.

“It was warmer when we came out, Jongdae even wore shorts! I’m amazed!” Yixing exclaims.

“He’s indeed the youngest here, braving the autumn weather. We’re old for that.” Minseok says while Jongdae laughs at the comment. The familiar route on Hangang Park is oddly comforting, the night air blowing almost too cold against skin while they race towards their usual rest stop. “It’s so nice to come out and cycle but I didn’t expect it to get this much colder.”

“Yeah this is pretty relaxing, a great change of pace but some piping hot ramyeon and odeng sounds so much better now in this cold weather.” Luhan says as he cycles next to Jongdae. “This guy here probably needs it, his ears are already turning red. Your mother would be disappointed in your life choices, Jongdae ah.”

“Hyung, I know but don’t just casually bring up my mother!” Jongdae whines while Luhan chuckles.

“I think we’re nearing the our usual place! I can see the car park already.” Yixing mentions while pointing to the bright red chairs and tables outside the convenience store. There’s also a handful of food stalls selling local street food and the delicious smell makes the boys cycle faster. They choose a well lit place under the streetlights so they could film more clearly while they’re eating and chatting. Jongdae sits closer next to Yixing for warmth when he comes back from his washroom break. Yixing pets Jongdae’s bare thigh, a poor attempt to transfer body warmth in the cold weather but Jongdae doesn’t mind when Luhan and Minseok return to their table with hot soup and snacks. The food would definitely warm him up soon, aided by the companionship of his members and the after effects of cycling vigorously.

“I missed doing this, I think the last time we cycled at night was six months ago while preparing for XOXO?” Jongdae begins while happily warming his hands around the paper bowl of hot soup.

“Yeah, the change of pace is nice.” Luhan says with his mouth full, of course, sitting beside Minseok across the table with Jongdae and Yixing.

Jongdae should think that seeing the bit of food falling out of Luhan’s mouth is disgusting but the lack of table manners makes Jongdae want to take care of him instead. Luhan’s mouth is wet and enticing from the mix of lip gloss and their soup; Jongdae really thinks he’s going to hell for thinking Luhan is attractive enough to kiss when he’s chewing and talking at the same time. Minseok catches Jongdae’s eyes and raises a single furtive eyebrow. Jongdae mentally swears in an instant, shifting his eyes from Luhan’s face to the camera and then back towards his soup. It makes him feel a little sick, chest feeling heavy despite knowing that he shouldn’t be guilty. Jongdae is ripped out of his own thoughts when Yixing begins speaking again, mentioning how he met an elderly man at the restroom who mistook him for Minseok.

“Truly our trending fairy! The most popular member.” Luhan and Yixing teases while Minseok refutes with a shake of his head.

“Ah stop it! I’m not the most popular member, you’re making me feel burdened.”

“Hot trend Minseok, it’s true. You’re always at the top of search bars since you appeared on that soccer episode of running man, too bad Luhan didn’t trend as much. Probably because they have eyes to see who’s worthy of trending.” Jongdae says with a laugh while Luhan gasps, swatting him on the thigh underneath the table.  

“Are you trying to say I’m ugly?”

“When did I ever say that?” Jongdae chuckles while Yixing grins, taking off his outer jacket and giving it to Minseok who is still curling into himself in the cold weather. Minseok refuses at first but Yixing insists and Minseok smiles gratefully when Yixing explains to the camera that he’s warm from cycling.

“The best vocalist has spoken, I’m on his side.” Yixing comments and Jongdae’s chuckling turns into an embarrassed bark of laughter.

“Hyung! Ah don’t say that! So it’s my turn to be teased right now huh?” Jongdae says with a whine while Luhan cuts in with ‘modesty, modesty. It’s all true but we can’t say that for his dancing’ and it makes all of them laugh.

“Who do you think dances better? Junmyeon or you?” Minseok asks suddenly and Jongdae confidently says that it's him without skipping a beat. Yixing chuckles a little because he knows that’s not true, Jongdae works hard on his dancing but he’s still a little lacking in rhythm compared to Junmyeon.

“Ah but seriously speaking I’m still learning and practicing, there’s always someone who’s a better dancer and singer. Junmyeon hyung had been training longer than me so we have different kinds of groove.” Jongdae explains amicably while the others nod in agreement.

They talk a little about their trainee days after that, reminiscing about the times they had gone through before debut. Many memories and moments were created at this very rest spot at Hangang Park, boys of different ages and from different places bonding over cheap but delicious street food. Jongdae laughs when Minseok recollects the time when new trainee Zitao had called all the older boys he’d met _oppa_ because he learnt it from watching k-dramas. The joke never gets odd, they still couldn't believe it took Minseok, probably the tenth male Zitao had met on his first day to correct him properly. Yixing hums in amusement while watching Jongdae steal glances at Luhan occasionally as Luhan laughs extra loud at Jongdae’s humour. Minseok finishes the last of his soup, smiling into the paper bowl by himself as Yixing coughs to get his attention, tilting his head towards Luhan and then Jongdae after.

They would figure it out eventually, Minseok figures. Right?

“The night is getting colder, we should get back soon.” Minseok mentions, noting that it's nearing 1AM while checking his phone.

“I’d clear the table.” Jongdae offers.

“Ah that’s no fun, we should play rock paper scissors and the loser cleans up.” Luhan suggests, unaware while Minseok suddenly smirks, raising a scissors signal with his hand. Jongdae and Yixing laughs lowly while nodding, following Minseok’s lead to trick Luhan. The first few rounds ends with a four way tie but it eventually ends up with three rocks beating out Luhan’s scissors.

Luhan makes a noise of disbelief. “There’s a conspiracy going on, I can feel it.”

“Don’t be a sore loser, hyung.” Yixing protests as Minseok and Jongdae laugh. “Manly men clean up after themselves.”

“I can help!” Jongdae says while moving to stack their disposable utensils while Luhan gathers the ripped snack wrappers.

There’s a strange sense of accomplishment between Minseok and Yixing when they see Luhan and Jongdae brush their hands together.

 

 

 

 

 

“I think I’m starting to like men.”

“You’re drunk, Baekhyun.”

“Girls are beautiful but boys are too? Like wow?”

“I think you should stop drinking.”

“I’m sober you idiot, I’m pouring my heart out to you.”

“Do you need me to call a taxi already?” Jongdae says, slightly louder than his average talking voice to fend off potential over hearers. Jongdae is starting to regret sneaking out of the hotel rooms with Baekhyun, roped into an adventure that could very well get them into trouble. He stiffens in his seat, tugging the other male closer and hissing at him. “Are you out of your fucking mind, we might be in a private booth but we’re still in public. _In a club of all places too._ ”

“In North America that predominantly doesn’t know us or speak our language.” Baekhyun deadpans, leaning in closer towards Jongdae.

“I should have roomed with someone else instead. Judging by the KCON2013 crowd earlier and yesterday I think we aren’t that safe enough for you to suddenly start confessing your sexuality to me. We’re going to get murdered in a hate crime or something,” Jongdae scowls at Baekhyun’s nonchalance, unimpressed by the other admittedly sinful looking male. Baekhyun’s aptly dressed up for a night out with his shirt’s plunging neckline and skin tight ripped jeans. Baekhyun shares a quiet look with Jongdae, furrowing his eyebrows together and smiling when Jongdae finally softens.

“Thank you for believing in me enough to tell me.

“Freaks like us gotta stay together. Dicks are pretty, no?”

Jongdae laughs at Baekhyun’s directness, letting warmth spread throughout him because he knows that their friendship would definitely be lasting forever. Boisterous and loud, at times almost obnoxious, Baekhyun’s also surprisingly very humble and caring. Baekhyun had hit it off with Jongdae instantly, taking a liking to him when they’ve discovered they were of the same age. It was incredibly easy becoming friends with Baekhyun, looking back. Somehow Baekhyun’s ridiculous attempts to shower with every single EXO member to get closer with them worked. Jongdae had nearly broken a bone the first time Baekhyun slipped into the shower with him unannounced, surprising the shit out of him. They had always been close, arriving at SM Entertainment around at the same time, training together, comforting and confiding in each other during the more difficult times when debut seemed bleaker.

“Why the sudden trip to here though?” Jongdae asks, using a hand to gesture at the bar and open dance floor. “Aren’t you a lightweight anyway.”

“Uh… alcoholic courage and comfort elsewhere in case I read you wrongly and you turn out be a homophobic dickwad?”

“Scandalous.”Jongdae sips from his glass as Baekhyun eyes the bodies grinding on each other across them to music. “Keep your dick in your pants.”

Baekhyun huffs, raising both hands up in defence. “I’m not that dumb to get laid in some foreign country with strangers.”  
“Then what, are you trying to get lucky with me and confess to me about your feelings next?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, you’re handsome but you aren’t really my type.”

Jongdae lets out a chuckle before humming curiously. “So what’s your type then?”

“Girls with long wavy hair and pretty doe eyes,” Baekhyun nudges himself closer, whispering in hushed tones. “Tall boys, cute awkward ones that make you want to protect them.”

“Oddly specific, is he in the group? I assume that's the most correct assumption since you’ve come to the realisation that you like men,” Jongdae smirks when Baekhyun reddens. “That narrows it down to Chanyeol, Yifan, Sehun and Jongin.”

“I wouldn’t call Yifan cute and he’s more than capable of taking care of himself,” Baekhyun blurts out quickly.

“The maknaes then? The cute sleepy ones that follow you around like lost puppies and baby chicks? Or… _Baekyeol is actually real and Baekhyun is Chanyeol’s wife!_ _Multiple exclamation marks!”_

“I’m not his wife, I’m a man.” Baekhyun finishes his words with a vicious downing of his entire glass. “I know I’m not supposed to have feelings for men, especially not someone who’s in the same boyband as you but this crush is not going away anytime soon.”

Jongdae gives Baekhyun a look of sympathy, squeezing his arm. He’s proud that Baekhyun is confiding his true feelings in him however.

“How do you feel about Chanyeol though?”

“Oversized puppy,” Baekhyun’s face lights up at the question and Jongdae finds himself smiling. “The schoolboy looking haircut he has now is making it worse. I’m so endeared Jongdae-ah, he’s really cute especially when he smiles. I just want to pet his head and praise him.”

“You have a uniform kink, oh my god.” Jongdae cackles over the information. “Growl must be doing many things to you, huh?”

“I want to do as many things to Chanyeol if he wants me to, actually.”

“Chanyeol better watch out then,” Jongdae grins.

“Do you think Chanyeol would like me back, romantically?”

“Maybe? I don’t know. But we’re idols though, we can’t just date our bandmates. Especially since we’re talking gay stuff.”

“I know, society and this industry sucks. Why can’t we be ourselves?”

“You’ll learn to live with it, eventually like I will too.”

“What if I never do, admitting to myself that I liked men was already hard enough,” Baekhyun smiles sadly, soft eyes crinkling at their edges while he stares at the auburn colour of the alcoholic liquid in Jongdae’s glass. Jongdae lets out a low breath as Baekhyun hums pensively, looking a little more weary under the coloured laser lights of the club hitting his face. Jongdae wants to tell Baekhyun it gets easier but he doesn’t, knowing that the words would be insincere coming from him. Instead, Jongdae presses himself closer to Baekhyun, nudging their shoulders together and letting Baekhyun lean on his warmth. “Wish I could do something about it, about Chanyeol. He probably like cute smaller girls that would smile at him as he tosses them around. Ah... this is getting way too heavy of a night out.”

“Tell me about it, you’re being a terrible moodmaker right now.” Jongdae says lightly while Baekhyun cracks into a grin.

“What about your feelings then?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jongdae’s fingers grip his own glass tighter while Baekhyun frowns as if he’s saying ‘ _really?’_ silently.

“You’re really lost in your own head aren't you?”

“I think I’m pretty fine where I am currently.” Jongdae mumbles, slow and careful in his words. “We shouldn’t even be talking about this.”

“This is the most interesting thing that’s happening to us since we signed up to dance and sing our lives away actually.”

“I don’t even know why you think this is interesting, not like we can ever do anything about it. Imagine if some creepy paparazzi knew about this or even the staff at SM, our lives would be fucking over. Like a tragedy, I can already see the headlines. Exo member sucks dick! Gay exo member? Fans devastated! Exo’s popularity crumbles before our eyes! Wow. Tragic.” Jongdae says animatedly, while the frown on Baekhyun’s face gets deeper with even word. “Gay romance in this industry is supposed to only exist in fanfiction remember? At least we are allowed to rub one out by thinking about dicks in our own gay fantasy.”

“You suck, like a whole bag of dicks. And you tell me I’m bringing the mood down. I didn’t sneak out here with you for you to do me like this.” Baekhyun sighs, pushing his empty glass away while Jongdae chuckles. The sulk on Baekhyun’s face is very reminiscent of an upset toddler that wants a hug.

“It's not my fault that liking dick is something only girls are supposed to do. Boys are pretty hot too when they aren’t making a fool of themselves but enough about this topic. Do you... want to dance your feelings away with me before heading back?”

Baekhyun hums in consideration before sweeping Jongdae off his feet, earning a yelp from him.

“Better than downing our sorrows in alcohol, _handsome._ ”  

 

 

 

 

 

“Zhongda-ge.”

Jongdae looks up and he sees Zitao, handing him a water bottle.

Jongdae breaks into a smile, slumping against the studio walls as he downs the water quickly, the cold relief flooding him. They’ve been practicing for hours, the new dance routines for the end of year music shows; the _Gayo Daejuns._ Jongdae swears he’s starting to feel the ache of endless dancing in his limbs even when he’s simply breathing. He looks on with a mix of pride and pity as he watches the central dance line - Yixing, Luhan, Sehun and Jongin go over their short robotic krump dance break for what he thinks is the hundredth time. Nothing is acceptable but perfection, until they hit the beats in complete sync while circling each other.

The remix of Growl is loud, drowning out the squeak of their shoes and the conversations of other members. Jongdae doesn't even notice when Zitao had sat next to him until he hears him speak.

“Your face gives it away, like Baekhyun hyung says it does.”

“What are you talking about?” Jongdae raises an eyebrow, while pressing the cold bottle to his neck.

“The way you look at men, if you know what to catch,” There’s mischief in Zitao’s eyes, like he knows a huge secret.

“I don’t know wether to be offended or not.” Jongdae murmurs lowly, watching the dancers in silence for a minute, their skin shining under the bright lights of the studio. The sweat clings to them like their clothes and Jongdae’s eyes follows their sharp movements, the strength in their arms and shoulders alluring. It’s too much sometimes, the sight swimming around Jongdae and taunting him. When Jongdae finally looks away and turns to his side, Zitao is smirking at him. Jongdae scrunches his half empty bottle noisily before throwing Zitao an unimpressed look. “Do straight people not just exist anymore in the group or is everyone suddenly going to start coming out to me after Baekhyun one by one?”

“Everyone’s a little gay even if they don’t want to admit it, hyung.”

Jongdae narrows his eyes suspiciously at Zitao. “What do you want, Tao-zi.”  

“Nothing, I just want to talk. You’re a nice hyung, I wouldn’t talk so freely to you if you weren't,” Zitao hums, idly fiddling with his feet. “Look at them, they’re attractive, aren't they? SM knows what they’re looking for when casting their idols. Sehun especially, he’s growing up very well.”

“Figures that you like the maknae the most.”

“What about you then?” Zitao asks, propping up his elbows on each of his knees. The younger male wore his curiosity on his face like the image of stereotypical gays and girls excited over boy gossip at sleepovers. Jongdae hums in amusement, it’s invasive but also endearing.

“That’s for me to know only, besides nothing is going to happen because it’s unrealistic.”

“But Baekhyun hyung knows and he doesn't want to tell me. I can help you make it real too!”

“I didn’t say anything to him and no, Tao-zi.”

“I don’t just offer my help to anyone, you should be grateful,” Zitao whines while Jongdae lets out a laugh.

“You should go cling at Sehun instead, maybe he’d shower with you later,” Jongdae teases, poking at Zitao’s visibly blushing cheek with a finger.

“You’re no fun.” ZItao says with a roll of his eyes as Jongdae ruffles his already messy from practice hair. “Well if it’s Lu-ge it should be easy for you since he’s the most experienced not straight person out of those four dancers right there.”

Jongdae pauses, his hand hovering over Zitao’s head.  

 

 

 

 

 

Jongdae knows when the feelings had manifested, long before the promotions of Wolf and Growl began.

It’s almost a little funny when Jongdae recalls that it was a year ago during a show in Taiwan, _Just Love JK_ when Jongdae had felt the first flutter in his chest. It’s like the tree formation during Wolf, where he’s standing in front of Luhan. Jongdae had been paired up to play a stupid orange passing game without the use of hands with Luhan. And Jongdae knew he fucked up when he stared face to face with Luhan, their bodies touching so close he could feel Luhan’s breath on his face.

Luhan’s kind eyes were also the most inviting thing about him, the galaxy in the depths of them were of utmost clarity.

Jongdae doesn't know if he’s cursed or blessed to have held his gaze with Luhan back then.

It felt like the longest twenty seconds of his life.

Maybe it had also extended to their predebut days, when Jongdae had joined SM Entertainment with Baekhyun at the same casting period. The new boys had been added to the new EXO lineup within the same year, cutting out all the other hopeful trainees who had been training for longer periods of time. To say that Jongdae hadn’t felt sorry to them would be a lie, having seen the fair share of unhappy and jealous looks sent to him and Baekhyun. They didn’t know.

Jongdae didn’t know that the chance of debut could have come so soon with a few months of training, he had shared the same disbelief with Baekhyun when he saw their names on the list of people who passed all the requirements to join the SM’s new boy band. The staff had gathered all twelve of them in a single dance studio, telling them to get to know each other because these would be the faces they would be seeing for a long time if they kept up with expectations. Jongdae had listened attentively, warily looking around the other boys with Baekhyun’s hand on his lower back.. Aside from him and Baekhyun, all of them were probably more deserving since they’ve trained for nearly two years or more.    

Immediately after the staff had left, the boys went to their usual small clique of friends, excitedly chatting about the high prospect of debut now that the lineup has been confirmed. Baekhyun’s presence is soothing when Jongdae feels his something flip inside him repeatedly - they’re left alone with the chinese trainees naturally gravitating together while the other group of korean trainees were friends since as young as when they were twelve years old.

How would he and Baekhyun fit into this group? They almost felt like an invasion, but Baekhyun gives him an assuring smile nonetheless, seeming to say ‘we’ll get through this like we always do’ mentally.

Minseok and Luhan had collected them after seeing them sitting in a corner together.

“Hi, I’m Minseok and he’s Luhan, we’re the oldest boys here along with that tall guy over there.” Minseok says while Luhan points at the intimidating looking trainee known as Wu Yifan. Nobody fooled around with him because of his height and constant frown. ‘Are you sure they aren’t the youngest, they look like high school freshmen.’ Baekhyun comments against Jongdae’s ear and Jongdae elbows him in the gut lightly. ‘Don’t be rude.’

“Tall guy’s name is Yifan, he may look scary but he’s really nice and caring. He has the case of resting bitch face.” Luhan laughs, meeting Jongdae and Baekhyun’s gaze with amusement. “If you have any troubles you can come to us or Junmyeon, he’s the trainee who’s been here the longest out of us.”

They’re nice. _The boys are nice._

“We’d remember that, Luhan _hyung_.” Jongdae smiles in response, using the familiar term instantly and Luhan’s grin brightens.

It makes Luhan look older, like his age or maybe more as numerous smile lines appears on his face.

“Let us introduce you to the rest when we have lunch, since you’re both still new.”

Baekhyun gives the three boys next to him a searching look, before slowly engaging with a fond smile too.

Jongdae decides he likes this foreign boy, who appears to have such a genuine smile.

It’s small but it’s also a start.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s not that Jongdae is freaking out, no, he’s definitely not, Kim Jongdae is totally the epitome of calm.

He’s in a boyband with beautiful men on his left and right of all things, so most of the time he knows how to behave and conduct himself. A majority of the time, in the public eye that is. There isn't much a difference between EXO’s Chen and Kim Jongdae, the only slight difference being that Chen is louder and boisterous, yet also more polite and reserved. Kim Jongdae is the same guy as Chen who’s calm and steadfast in stressful situations, he knows how to react when needed. There’s just the small matter of waking up one day and fully realising _oh shit I have more than a simple crush for my roommate_ with the urgency of a three ton truck speeding towards him. Imagine the scandal and overhaul of dynamics in the entire group if this knowledge leaks.

Dealing with the realisation of being in a rising boyband with increasing numbers of stalker _sasaengs_ might even easier.

Jongdae is truly fucked. And maybe he also wants it, _physically_ . Apparently he’s been slowly falling in love and _lust_ with Luhan for the past couple of months without actually realizing. Sure Luhan is handsome, sure he’s pretty and recently, Jongdae has been thinking about it more often. Picture this,  they’re both the main vocalists, with expressive eyes and high cheekbones and killer jawlines - the commonly used insult from antis saying that SM.Entertainment goes for visuals isn’t unfounded. Call it narcissistic or whatever but Jongdae may or may not have fallen for Luhan while comparing himself to him. Okay, maybe it’s not quite just Luhan’s visuals that’s working. They also have similar tastes in music and food, Luhan is nice, a hyung that always looks out for everyone, a leader who isn't the leader and Jongdae appreciates that about him.  

 _Fuck, how did I not notice all the signs._ Jongdae pops his head back into his bedcovers, silently screaming. Here he is, stuck in a dorm too small for twelve boys and he discovers he really likes one of them - the one that sometimes looks like a wrinkly old man when he laughs or a cute seven year old when he’s sleepy. Jongdae doesn’t understand how Luhan works, who looks his age and radiant this morning, lying in bed in his tank top and lightly snoring under filtered sunrays.

And to makes matters worse, Jongdae has morning wood and he’s more aroused than he could handle. It’s probably been weeks since he last jerked off, the heat pooling at his core coming back with a vengeance. The other members are probably awake and Jongdae decides he doesn't want to let the other members know that he’s having a _life event_ in the bathroom.

Turning away from Luhan’s sleeping form, Jongdae faces the wall as he slips a hand over his hard dick that’s tenting his sweatpants. His hips twitch into the touch and a low groan leaves his lips, eyes sliding shut when he feels himself getting harder. Jongdae strokes his cock slowly, enjoying the feeling of his precum slowly wetting his hand while squeezing around his length. One swipe upwards, one gasp. One hard stroke, one spine shaking shiver. Jongdae lets out a small noise because his sweats and underwear are halfway down his thighs and he can’t spread his legs as much as he wants. Jongdae slides his free hand up his chest,  fingertips brushing with a nipple, twisting and teasing. He can feel himself getting closer, head getting lighter while pleasure surges up through his body.

“A-ah….” Jongdae whines, tilting his head back while pressing his thumb against the slit of his cock, rubbing against the sensitive flesh.

Up, down, _up, down._ Jongdae trembles while digging his feet into the mattress, toes curling as more pearly precum leaks down his cock and fingers. Jongdae smears the liquid messily around his cock, a sticky string connecting from the tip to his abdomen when it slaps heavily against his abs. The fleshy sound vibrates in Jongdae’s ears, the slap of skin on skin too pleasant. Jongdae’s mind wanders as he fists his cock, pumping it with urgency. He thinks about a nice girl, fucking her slowly and lovingly. He thinks about being carried into bed and caressed gently. He thinks about being folded into half by a talented lover, dicked into an inch of his life. He thinks about screaming a girl’s name prettily while he sandwiched in the middle, strong hips fucking him into her.

_He thinks about Luhan._

Jongdae’s breath hitches, letting his dick smack back against his stomach again.

_Fuck._

He knows he’s not going to last.

Jongdae thrusts his hips up into the tight grip of his hands, braced against the mattress had. He stokes and twists around his cock, one hand moving down to cup at his balls, tugging just enough to hurt in a good way. The heat is almost suffocating as Jongdae spreads his legs a little more, watching himself fuck into his hands, each hard inch of cock wet and slick under the morning sun. Jongdae gasps, body tensing in anticipation, arching his back. Jongdae comes, he comes _hard._ Jongdae shudders as he bites on his lower lip to keep himself quieter, hand urgently milking out every string of cum from his cock. Jongdae lets his cum streak messily against the bed sheets and slide down the sides of his body, too sated with release to care.

 

“I see you had some fun, _smells_ like it too.”

Jongdae practically jumps up alert at Luhan’s voice. He tugs his blanket over himself immediately, face flushing a deep red as his lower regions were still exposed while staring at the ceiling. Jongdae turns towards Luhan, who’s looking too smug for someone who had discovered someone masturabting in the same room as him. There’s this weird tiny voice in Jongdae’s head that tells him that Luhan had watched and liked it, or at least took a nice clear look at his stained body and softening dick when he finished.

 _Maybe you should invited him to join you. Oh shit, my brain needs to shut up._ Jongdae’s heart rate speeds up quickly when Luhan raises an eyebrow at him, the smirk on his face suggestive and dirty. _Okay, he’s definitely seen it._

It’s no big deal. Everything is okay, everything thing is okay.

“Yo, nice dick.”

_Nothing is okay._

_Nothing._

“That’s the first thing you’re going to say to me?”

“What else do you want me to say or do? Congratulate you for getting your spunk out during your funk? I understand we have physical needs too.”

“.... You did not just say that.” But at least Luhan isn’t freaking out about it.

“Seeing dicks don’t bother me.”

“It that hint, or are you teasing.”

“Both. Maybe, I’m not really sure. I’m still half awake. But you do have a nice dick, I’ve seen quite a few in my lifetime.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Jongdae blushes.

“You’re pretty loud even by yourself. Kinda like how I imagined you would be.”

Jongdae doesn't comment, nervously digging his fingers into the bed. Panic rises quickly.  “I— uh. I have to shower, I have breakfast plans with Minseok hyung!” Jongdae tugs up his sweats and jumps out of his bed, making up an excuse since he knew Minseok is an early riser. “We are visiting a newly opened cafe in Hongdae.”

“Oh, okay. I’d stay in the dorms since I’m feeling lazy.” Luhan says but the soft tone of disappointment is poorly concealed and Jongdae instantly feels bad. He knows that cafe trips are something he shared in common with both Minseok and Luhan, and now he just said that he’s going on a breakfast trip to Hongdae without inviting Luhan. _Fuck. I fucked up._

“You were sleeping so soundly so I didn’t invite you,” Jongdae reasons, coming up with a difficult smile. “I’m sorry I woke you up with my noises. You can join us if you go shower first?”

“Sure!” Luhan perks up as a playful glint appears in his eyes. “Although I’m not opposed to waking up to your noises. They’re pretty like your voice.”

“Just go shower, hyung!” Jongdae deflects with a reddening face. _Worst roommate ever._

Luhan hums in response before heading to the bathroom. “I hope the new cafe has nice coffee, the whole experience depends on that.”

Jongdae runs to Minseok’s room after that, seeking rescue and a new cafe place they hadn’t visited.

 

 

 

 

 

 

”Chocolate rice, hyung. Do you know what that is?”

“Yah stop it Sehun.” Jongdae scoffs, angling away the pot of uncooked rice that he’s currently rinsing. Sehun clings his body against Jongdae, the tall maknae is in one of his playful moods and it’s getting worse with Jongin beside him. Jongin brandishes the pepper shaker, crowding next to the duo as Jongdae is starting to get annoyed with the youngest members’ antics. They’re probably bored and hungry, cooped up in the vacation home with nothing to do after their trip to the beach.

“Put it down Jongin. Stop it!” Jongdae complains, pushing them away while laughing for the camera that’s filming them. He would have smacked Sehun and Jongin on the heads if they weren’t being filmed, to get rid of the silly ideas popping into their brains. Jongin puts down the pepper shaker when Sehun brings up a packet of ramyeon in his hands, smirking gleefully to himself while they gang up on Jongdae.

“We should add the ramyeon seasoning, it would tastes great!”

“Why are you two doing this?” Jongdae rejects while he’s disregarded by Sehun and Jongin.

“It’s boring if you just eat plain rice.”  
“Yeah hyung, let’s add in the ramyeon too. It’d make dinner more interesting.”

“Go bother someone else.” Jongdae makes a disgruntled noise, shooing the maknaes away with pretend kicks.

“But there’s nobody else. Chanyeol, Junmyeon and Luhan are shopping for groceries. Baekhyun is doing his thing and having a talk show outside with Zitao, Kyungsoo and the other hyungs are sleeping. You’re our favourite hyung, Jongdae hyung.” Sehun and Jongin says one after another, relentlessly sandwiching Jongdae against the sink area. “We love you, hyung.”

“If you love me get away from me or the both of you aren't getting rice when dinner is ready.” Jongdae says with a roll of his eyes but the look on his face is fond when he’s met with two equally adorable pouts. Curse the tall maknaes and their wet puppy eyes. “Go find Baekhyun and join his impromptu talkshow, that’s more interesting than watching me prepare rice. You’d probably get more air time, or so sleep and get some rest too.”

The maknaes are a little reluctant when leaving Jongdae, cozying up towards him once more before leaving.   

Jongdae sighs in his well-deserved peace after that, humming to himself while measuring the rice pot’s water level.

 

Jongdae is woken up for dinner preparations by Luhan when he returns along with Chanyeol, Junmyeon and the groceries. Luhan is missing his outer jacket and wearing the striped sweater that clings to his body just right and Jongdae curses mentally. He hates that the first thing he notices aside from Luhan’s body is the pretty smile on his face that makes his heart beat a little too fast for someone who just woke up from a nap.

“Get up Chen-zi, I need help making dinner.”

“What?” Jongdae yawns while blinking blearily, still not awake enough to understand.

Luhan chuckles at the sight of Jongdae’s bedhead, hair sticking up in various places while he gathers himself. Jongdae knows he probably looks a mess, sprawled against the couch cushions with a blanket falling off him. “I said I would like your help making dinner.”

“Ah? Couldn’t you have called someone else that’s awake instead of me?”  
“You want Yifan and Baekhyun in charge of helping with dinner? They’re just as useless as me in the kitchen if not more.”

Jongdae shivers at the thought. “Okay let me wake up Minseok hyung too, he’s the most competent aside from Kyungsoo and Chanyeol.”

“That’s assuring, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” Luhan says while offering a hand to pull Jongdae out of bed and smooth down his bedhead. Luhan laughs a little when his attempts to tame Jongdae’s hair fail, offering him a knitted beanie instead which he gratefully takes. Jongdae may have also pulled on Luhan’s hands a bit more than necessary, causing both of them to stumble onto the couch into a compromising position. It instantly makes Luhan blush, quickly getting himself off Jongdae who smirks at the other’s actions, flushing a little also. For a moment Jongdae wonders if he could make Luhan even more flustered but he throws away the thought venomously. Luhan’s a friend. He’s beautiful but that’s all he could be. He’s just a friend.

 

Minseok doesn't complain when he’s woken by Jongdae to help with dinner. They decide on grilling the meat on the barbeque since there’s a charcoal pit at the vacation home while Luhan catches on some sleep with Chanyeol and Junmyeon.

“You seem a little off today.” Minseok says softly, low enough so the camera and microphone wouldn’t pick up his voice.

“I do?”

“You seem more miserable after the boys bought back their groceries.”

“Well maybe that’s because I could have slept more.” Jongdae grins wryly while buttering up the meat that he’s grilling.

“You know what I mean.”  
Jongdae pauses in his actions, looking up at Minseok who’s looking at him meaningfully. _He knows._

“There’s not a chance of things happening.”  
“I’m really starting to think you’re both blind, there’s some obvious tension going on.”

“I can’t just date him. That’s dangerous.”

“And it’s not dangerous with other men either?”

“Hyung. Are you kidding? Of course I know it is but this would be even more stupid if it happens. The group matters more than me.”

“You’re really just…. You’re right but I think you should take the chance.”

“The _sensible one_ of the group of telling me to do the unspeakable? Have you been replaced by a Xiumin android?”

Minseok scoffs while flipping the food that’s he grilling. “SM would already have if they could.”

“True.” Jongdae sighs. “I don’t want to ruin the group.”

“You think I do? It’s not often you find someone you like in our industry with supportive bandmates.”

“You’re the one telling me to date him. The media would have a field day.”

“People are getting more accepting. I mean look at Hong Seokcheon, the most prominent out celebrity here. He’s getting back on his feet. Besides, if you’re careful I don’t see why not. Do you really think we’re like what the fans believe we are, pretending to be virgins until marriage with no sexual needs?”

“Maybe I’d find a nice girl a settle down with her and this crisis of a crush can be avoided.”

Minseok stares at Jongdae pointedly before shrugging. “I’m just going to respect you either way, it’s your life.”  
“Thank you.”

“If you need any advice or help, I know a place that’s good for hookups.”

“Hyung!” Jongdae cheeks flame, not expecting such a sentence from Minseok.

“Maybe if someone changes your mind, Jongdae. You can’t just keep avoiding him.”

 

 

 

 

 

If anyone had told Jongdae he would be seeing be seeing doubles in some sort of weird _Freaky Friday_ sorta alternate universe in the near future, he wouldn’t have believed them. And the thing is, Jongdae still could not believe his eyes despite having another him in front of himself. This isn’t what Jongdae had expected when he wished for someone to keep him company and to help extinguish the flaming crush he had on a certain roommate.

Maybe this is karma happening for wishing for impossible things like dating another exo member.

Jongdae squints at the other Jongdae, taking in the same soft curl of kittenish lips, high cheekbones. They’re familiar enough to Jongdae but there’s something different about them, more pronounced and seemingly older almost. Jongdae wills himself not to scream in case the other Jongdae is an evil twin sent by aliens to murder him but he pinches himself in the arm - and winces immediately after because it hurts.

“I must be losing my mind if this isn’t a dream.”

Other Jongdae laughs, eyes crinkling together. “This is real and I’m here to help you solve all your problems, my dear Chennie Chenchen. Didn’t you wish upon the stars last night that someone would quote _relinquish you of your virginity_?”

“I wouldn’t call Luhan’s prized Ironman collection the stars and this is creepy.”

“I’m literally you from the future, I’m not kidding.” Other Jongdae says with a soft chuckle. “Mind if you tell me what year and month is it?”

“October 2013? I’m.... Are you sure you aren’t an evil twin sent here to replace or murder me in my sleep? Like I know the police wouldn’t believe me but I’m just seconds from running out of this room.” Jongdae backs himself against the headboard of his bed, trying to keep as much as a distance as he could from the other Jongdae. _Where the fuck is Luhan when I finally really need him, I’m stuck in the dorms with nobody and there’s this guy that looks like me claiming to be me from the future._

“Look, I’ve been through this before as well and I’m telling you this is the solution to your current problems.” Other Jongdae begins, sitting across the room further away from Jongdae to make himself seem less menacing. “I don’t understand it either but this is some cosmic laws of the universe magic shit and I’ve been sent back in time to pick myself up. I also know you would tell me to go fuck myself but you didn’t because that confuses you as you think it's creepy and strangely kind of hot.”

Jongdae flushes slightly as he stares at his older self. Jongdae doesn’t know what to expect next; a nice proper conversation with his future-self or a rip in time space suddenly making a black hole in the dorms. _Maybe I’m really going crazy from stress or something._ Jongdae relaxes himself, pushing his bed covers that had been acting as a flimsy form of protection away. But he’s still stubborn and suspicious, because who would ever believe time travel being real.

“You still don't believe me, do you? Isn’t believing in yourself supposed to be a thing, you tiny-sized brat?”

“I can’t believe this, I’m actually mocking myself.”

Other Jongdae smirks. “You’re someone who talks to Luhan’s Ironman collection, I can mock you as much as I want.”

“.... Point taken. But how can I believe you’re me from the future and how old are you again?”

“Because I know the shit you’re thinking, all the nineteen plus thoughts that’s always in your mind about _Lu-ge_ . You get butterflies when he teases you with the name _Chennie ChenChen_ or _Chen-zi_ because it makes him happy and because he says it reminds him _how adorable and deserving of love you are_ ,” Other Jongdae smirks when Jongdae gapes in mortification. “I’m from the year 2022, EXO just turned ten a few months ago. Which also means I’m thirty, around eight to nine years older than you boy.”  

“Oh my god, I’m need to call a doctor, I’m hallucinating so much I’m talking to myself from the future.”

“You were disappointed and angry when you found out that you were to be shipped to China as EXO-M,” Other Jongdae says. “But you’re okay with it now because the hyungs are nice and Zitao may be a cocky brat but he’s a cute maknae regardless. Currently you think Sehun should get his own dog so he could stop pestering Jongin about his puppies and Chanyeol should get it together and hop onto Baekhyun’s dick like you know he wants to. In high school you discovered you maybe like boys too, jerking off to gay porn and you got a heart attack changing tabs when Jongdeok entered the room without knocking. You like being taken care off, your dream romance is simple, having either a nice noona or hyung fucking you up good before making breakfast for you and feeding you with kisses at the same time. Need me to say more?”

Jongdae goes silent, evaluating between running out of the room and seeing a doctor or accepting that as crazy as it sounds the Other Jongdae is really from the year 2022. It suddenly hits Jongdae that Other Jongdae looks so much more matured and confident in his posture. Other Jongdae is noticeably more fit, with defined arms muscles and wide shoulders contrasted by his tiny waist. _The perfect triangle dorito ratio_. That’s not the only thing that Jongdae notices, there’s this hint of fatigue in the older version of him; with cheekbones more chiselled and pronounced and the flawless skin that lacks youthful glow. Maybe that’s just what being an idol in the industry for a decade does to you, from the lack of sleep and self-care due to long hours. This Jongdae looks like he’s been through some shit in life but he still looks comfortable in his own skin like he’s come to terms with it.

“Am I happy in the future, ah - you know what I mean, are you happy?”

Other Jongdae stares back pointedly at him, raising an eyebrow as he locks his gaze with the younger. “I’m in one of the biggest boybands in Kpop. Everyone says I’m handsome, that EXO is handsome, the finest of SM’s third generation idols. I have the bone structure that fans say that they could slice their fingers upon touching. I’ve got money I can burn for fun if I wanted to, an ongoing love life, a masters degree in media advertising and a hoard of stalkers not including rabid fans following me everywhere so you can take a guess?”

Jongdae frowns instantly but he perks up at the previous mention of being SM’s finest work and having a love life.

“So EXO is a big shit in future huh?”  
“The biggest shit actually, we have so many awards we don’t know what to do with them,” Older Jongdae chuckles, smiling when he sees the shine in his younger’s eyes. _Wow, Luhan was really right when he said that I was cute, I’m practically a baby as I’m turning twenty one._ They’re bright and full of hope and it brings him back several years to when EXO had won their first daesang in the 2013MAMAs. Older Jongdae doesn't tell him that however, he’s not supposed to tell him too much in case its changes the future to come somehow. Jongdae wouldn’t even realise the amount of relief and gratitude that would hit him in a few months, the feeling of finally feeling good enough to stand with EXO despite being a trainee for merely four months. ”The next generation of idol groups are already quoting you as a idol sunbae they want to be like.”

“Really, me? Of all the talent out there?”

“Yes you, you really don't get how talented you actually are, do you?”

“Where’s the humbleness that we’re known for, seems like I turned out to be really cocky dude, wonder how I managed to get someone.”

“I have the _skills_ to back it up, unlike the guy in front of me,” Older Jongdae smirks.

“I don’t like you, you’re way too confident to be actually be me,”  Jongdae huffs. “It’s bordering on arrogance.”

“You’ll grow into it when you realise that there are thousands, millions of fans even willing to throw themselves at you. Have you ever seen a mirror? You might still be a twink - more of a hot twunk actually since I’ve always been lean - but there’s lots of people out there who find you attractive. Besides, it's a huge ego boost when you have a hot noona girlfriend that's eager to have sex with you almost everyday even when you aren’t flying with her away on vacation first class.”

Jongdae gawks at the information before breaking into a laugh. “I see the noona thing hasn’t changed, does she take care of you?”  
“You wouldn’t know how well,” Older Jongdae grins, the smile dangerous almost. “She’s really pretty and nice, kinky also. _Pegs me_ when i want.”

“Holy shit, where did you find that girl. She sounds like a fantasy come true.”

“Connections, friends, it's great when your social circle isn’t exactly straight.”

“Is this fifty shades of grey or something because she sounds like a mistress dom.”

“Boy don’t even get me started on fifty shades, you’ll learn things in the future but just know that _no_ ,” Older Jongdae makes a face, features scrunching together. “I can give you fifty reasons why that book is bad with romanticizing abuse and ill written smut to simply start with. And no, she isn’t. I don’t think I’d ever totally get into the whole dom and sub stuff but I think it’s interesting. She’s just incredibly _open_ like I am.” Older Jongdae says with a wiggle of eyebrows as Jongdae chuckles at the crude undertone.

“Do I know her already and have you been with men?”

“Not yet and yes. I had flings here and there, two serious boyfriends and another girlfriend before her, my first was a man.”

“You mean I don’t have to grow old to become a cat lady with furballs littering her floor? That’s fucking great?”

“Kim Jongdae, SM doesn’t have a dating ban just put yourself out there don't get caught out.”

“Easier said than done when you’re an idol in a steady relationship with his right hand.”

“Self deprecating as per normal I see, which is why I’m to help.”  
“And how are you going to help? By finding the first guy that tore into my ass open? It isn’t like he’s next to me?”

Older Jongdae send him a fixed look, nodding his head to the other bed in the room.

“....What?”

“You got it right.”

Jongdae’s eyes widens into giant saucers comically making his older version laugh.

“Are you serious, _Luhan is my first are you fucking kidding me?”_

_“Technically speaking.”_

“What do you mean technically?”

“I am, or at least until you confess to Luhan in a rush of pent up feelings and he fucks you after a nice dinner in the following weekend,” Older Jongdae begins, expression grim and without a hint of joke. “Well since you’re already dating your hand, what’s better else than getting fucked by yourself, it's just basically masturbation.”

_“Just masturbation?”_

“Think about it, you can treat this as a dream when I return back to 2022 and leave you with some experience. And then you can act on your huge crush and huge boner for Luhan without embarrassing yourself since you’re ashamed to admit to him that you’re basically a virgin. Besides I’m hot, you’re hot, nobody loses. And imagine being the only person on earth able to experience how is it like to get fucked by themselves. It’s a great boost to your ego when you can learn all your sweet spots and the methods of hitting them.”

“If you put it that way, I’m- just-.... Does Luhan treat me like a boyfriend or is it a fuckbuddy blow off steam kind of thing?”

“Boyfriend. _Serious boyfriend._ ” Older Jongdae’s face softens, a small curl appearing on his lips.

“Doesn’t... that mean I broke up with him since you’re dating a pretty girl?”

“Sometime things don’t always turn out the way you want it to be, it's for the best though. I’m still great friends with him, heck he’s _the first love_ , I’d probably never forget him so that’s why you should cherish him now and love him the best you can even if it means letting him go in the the future.”

“I get letting him go if he wants to go but I don’t understand. So if you, I loved him the best I could, why did Luhan break up with me?”

“Ever heard of soulmates? There’s platonic and romantic soulmates, people carved from the same puzzle, Luhan is definitely a piece of the puzzle but he isn’t the one that completes it.” Older Jongdae smiles, his grin not reaching where Jongdae knows it can. It isn’t fully genuine. “Or at least that's what I made myself believe. There’s different kinds of love and everything happens for a reason. He’s getting married in my time by the way, I’m his best man.”

“Should I just not do anything about my crush then?”

“Would it make you happy if you don’t, knowing that he loved you enough to return back your feelings?”

“Not... not really?” Jongdae frowns, sitting numbly on his bed. He doesn’t know what else to think at this point. “Do you miss him?”

“Sometimes, when it gets really busy during promotions because he’s the first and he also understands the idol life.”

“Do you still love him?”

“Honestly?”

“Please.”

“I do, but not romantically anymore. They’re fond memories but I’m creating new ones to live with them. With her.”

“What’s her name? Your current girlfriend.”

“A-Yeong. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this but you’d realise why I like her when I first saw her.”

Jongdae lets out the breath he didn’t even realise he’s holding. Maybe that truly is the sign that it’s meant to be, the doomed romance with Luhan. Jongdae sighs, petting the bed and signaling the elder version of him closer. Older Jongdae takes a seat next to him, breath squeezed out of him in a sudden hug. Older Jongdae laughs lowly, surprised by the younger’s strength and actions as he nudged his head into his shoulder. “I really like him, I realised that I had a crush when we locked eyes because of that stupid orange passing game we did last year.”

“I know.” Older Jongdae whispers, slipping an arm around the younger to pull him closer.

“You’re terrible for breaking my heart before I even began with him.”

“I’m sorry.” The elder says, not even a second after.

“Does Ayeong make you breakfast in bed?”

“She does, but not often since we’re both busy.”

Jongdae hums in acknowledgement.

_“Kiss me.”_

“What?” Older Jongdae gives him a look, questioning the earnest eyes staring at him. They’re slightly wet.

“That’s what I wished for, remember? I assume you have to kiss before bedding someone, even if the someone is yourself.”

“Are you sure you want this?”

 _“Teach me,”_ Jongdae says, moving a hand to squeeze Older Jongdae’s hand. “Help me be the best lover I can.”

The elder smiles comfortingly, eyes filled with warmth. “I will.”

 

 

 

 

 

Jongdae is a little dazed while Other Jongdae kisses him. They’re currently both topless and every bit of sanity and reason leaves Jongdae as he’s kissed by the older version of himself. They’re kissing, bodies pressing close in a tight embrace and Jongdae finds himself cursing because the lips on his are way more experienced than any little puppy romance he had in high school. Older Jongdae drags his hands down Jongdae’s bare torso, exhaling an approving hum into Jongdae’s lip when the younger’s breath hitches. Older Jongdae has him caged against the mattress, one hand tangling into his hair and the other down his pants. Older Jongdae’s lips are soft, moist and warm, Jongdae finds himself asking for more while a groan rises from both their throats, frotting against each other. Their tongues are constantly touching as Older Jongdae teases, making Jongdae arch toward his touch, almost desperate but still sinfully attractive.

Older Jongdae smirks while tipping up Jongdae’s face, cooing at the dark lusty glimmer in the younger’s eyes. “So this is how I looked like while I bottomed, how cute. How did Luhan and my other previous boyfriends resist not fucking me everyday when he could?”

“Narcissist.” Jongdae laughs breathlessly, like he’s still caught between with surprise and disbelief. He’s getting fucked by himself after all.

“You know you look good, boy. Never forget that. And always leave them wanting,” Older Jongdae whispers, dragging out another long kiss with the younger as long as possible. Jongdae learns fast, wrapping his arms around Older Jongdae’s neck and deepening the kiss with tongue. It prompts Older Jongdae into gripping Jongdae’s thighs close, rough hands digging into the fleshy legs and he takes pride in the shiver that shakes the younger’s body. Jongdae is such a pretty little thing underneath him and it makes Older Jongdae’s cock throb with want. He picks the younger apart, tugging down the loose sweatpants quickly before tugging off his own pants. Older Jongdae chuckles at the wide eyed look Jongdae gives him when he catches the metal ring sitting nicely on the silt of his dick and through the ridge near his glans.

“Oh God, when the fuck did i decide to get _that_?” Jongdae asks, making an uncharacteristic whimper. “Doesn’t that hurt like shit?”

“Where I got the piercing doesn't hurt as much, getting a prince albert was the best decision I made. Sex is so much better and interesting. I got it with Baekhyun at a piercing and tattoo parlor when i turned twenty seven.”

“Baekhyun? Why am I not surprised he’s the reason for this.”

“Oh you’d be surprised, it all started with a fake lip piercing Baekhyun got during a comeback.” Older Jongdae says with a smirk.

“Why are you telling me this?”

Older Jongdae raises an eyebrow and Jongdae empty stomach blanches when his brain clicks together.

“I dated Byun Baekhyun? Idiot best friend of the group at one point?” .

“Could you blame me? He’s actually really hot when he tries.” Older Jongdae muses wryly.

“I’d never tell him that. His ego doesn’t need anymore boosting.”

“I know what you mean, he’d never shut up. But I love his chatterbox mouth, _its very talented_.”

“Gross.”

Older Jongdae laughs but he gets to business, pressing himself closer when he obtains a half used bottle of lube from Luhan’s bedside table. Jongdae doesn't ask where he managed to get the lube, leaving it to Older Jongdae’s magical future knowledge. Jongdae gasps when he feels the cold liquid on Older Jongdae’s fingers probe at his ass and he looks up the elder with nervousness and he bends down to kiss him softly on the lips.

“Consent is key. Always use lube and protection, especially with strangers. I’m clean, so you don’t need to worry.” Older Jongdae hums while massaging Jongdae’s entrance. “And always go slow when you want to prep for sex, you don’t want to tear anything.”

“I know that.” Jongdae huffs while letting out a shuddering breath, trying to relax for the intrusion.. “Just fuck me already.”

“Just reminders to live by. And wow you’re needy little shit.”

“You’re insulting yourself, you know that right?.”

“Who said I am? Being a needy little shit is a great quality.” Older  Jongdae laughs, chatting with Jongdae to help him further relax. He pushes and pulls his fingers gently, steadily increasing pressure while Jongdae makes little whiny sounds. Soon, Jongdae is riding his fingers with blissed out eyes, circling his ass towards the elder and easily swallowing the lubed digits. Older Jongdae watches with appreciation while Jongdae’s mouth is parted in silent moans, deciding that the younger is sufficiently prepped.

“I’m pushing in, get ready.”

Jongdae nods quickly, watching and tensing in anticipation while Older Jongdae pours a good amount of lube on his cock. The metal ring gleams silver under the coat of lube, standing out against the familiar pink of Older Jongdae’s cock and Jongdae clenches unknowingly, wondering if it really does make sex better. There’s proud smirk when Older Jongdae catches his gaze, slowly pumping his cock while pushing the tip against his entrance.

“O-Oh, ah- _ahh_ ,” Jongdae moans as Older Jongdae pushes in, the blunt ring catching past his rim and sliding deeper with every inch. Jongdae shivers on his spot, able to feel the drag of metal along with the wide stretch of cock inside him.

“Told you.” Older Jongdae grins smugly, letting his younger self adjust. “Wait till I hit the good parts and you’d be screaming my name.”

“Don’t you mean our name? That’s weird.” Jongdae laughs lowly and he whimpers as Older Jongdae grabs his hips, fucking him with intent. Friction shoots up Jongdae's body as he moans, eyes squeezing shut and wrapping his legs around Older Jongdae’s waist. Thick, so, _so thick._ Jongdae arches his back as he’s fucked, feeling the piercing rub up against his insides and stretching him out a little more than comfortable.

“Like it?”

'Fuck yes?’ Jongdae gasps out, his whole body slowly flushing red with pleasure, moans spilling out of his mouth. Older Jongdae fucks him hard, pushing and _pushing_ his hard cock inside, aiming for the spots to make him scream. A wrecked sound higher than the rest is torn out of the younger’s throat and Older Jongdae smirks, knowing he had just knocked into Jongdae’s prostate with his piercing. Older Jongdae pounds him with vigor, relishing in the beautiful image of Jongdae squirming under him, letting out screams of his name.

“Jongdae, oh god J-Jong-Dae! Fuck!” Jongdae shouts and the older laughs at the ridiculous situation, not faltering in his pace. The loud needy noises from Jongdae only serves to make Older Jongdae fuck him faster, like he’s attempting to punch the younger’s sweet spot with his cock. The slap of skin on skin is loud and filthy and Jongdae takes cock easily, uncontrollably clenching around the thick girth. Older Jongdae slides his length out fully, letting the piercing rub against Jongdae’s rim when he thrusts in fluidly and earning pleasured sobs from him. Jongdae kisses messily while losing himself in pleasure and friction. He whines when Older Jongdae plays with his nipples, teasing them with both fingers and tongue until they’re hardened nubs.

“Does _little Jongdae_ feel good because of the piercing? Does _Jongdae hyung’s_ fat dick make you feel good?”

Jongdae’s face reddens further in embarrassment but nods eagerly, letting out another soft whimper at the hard ream of Older Jongdae’s hips.

“Good boy.” Older Jongdae teases, grabbing the younger by his hips and fucking him on his side, letting his cock sink in deep at the new angle. The metal piercing grinds unforgivingly against Jongdae’s prostates and the younger scrambles for purchase, muffling his sobs against the mattress. Older Jongdae moans out loud as the younger’s ass pulses around his dick, making it go tight, tight, _tight._ “Jongdae wants to come?”

“Yes! Oh-god, yes!” Jongdae whines, feeling like he’s about to combust under Older Jongdae’s gaze, his dark eyes intense and hungry.

Older Jongdae pistons his thrusts faster, fingers digging into Jongdae’s hips as he picks up more speed. He pushes all the way in, _stabbing_ the thick cock into Jongdae’s prostate and it makes his dick throb hard when he watches tears welling up in both of Jongdae’s eyes. Older Jongdae pumps the younger’s dick at the same time as he’s being fucked, liking how it makes Jongdae leak precome freely while curling his toes. The pierced blunt head of Older Jongdae’s cock hits Jongdae’s spot one too many times and Jongdae bursts out in release, shooting out his cum between their bodies. Older Jongdae follows quickly, thrusting out his orgasm into Jongdae and pumping him so full he can feel his come leak back down the length of his own cock.

Older Jongdae waits until he softens a little before pulling out his dick with a wet, filthy noise - while Jongdae groans tiredly at the soreness that’s slowly coming towards him.

“Fuck that was nice. I’m a _beast_.” Jongdae says after awhile. “.... Now what?”

“Sleep first?” Older Jongdae laughs when Jongdae hums in agreement. He figures it’s better to iron things out when he doesn't feel like passing out.”

 

 

 

 

 

Waking up, Jongdae finds himself widening his eyes at Luhan’s occupied bed.

_Yesterday wasn’t a weird ass dream after all._

Older Jongdae is only in his underwear and he’s sitting next to Luhan’s sleeping form, a hand lightly stroking his head. The action is soft, as Luhan stirs slightly in sleep, seeking out the blankets for more warmth. Jongdae feels his heartbeat speed up, feeling like he’s witnessing a ticking time bomb about to go off. Older Jongdae should know better than to let himself be seen by other people, let alone actively touch Jongdae’s currently sleeping crush - even if it’s a nice image to witness admittedly.

“What the fuck get your hands off him, you’re going to wake him up!” Jongdae hisses.

“He can’t see me, just feel me slightly at most.”

“What?”.

“Earlier this morning I took a walk out and bumped into Sehun while he was on his routine chocolate milk fix,” The older version of himself is looking perplexed, eyebrows furrowing together in thought. “Except he just phased through me like I was a ghost, shivering and grumbling about the sudden chill. I don’t get it either, aren’t I’m supposed to go back after giving myself the first proper dicking of my life?”

“Well don’t ask me, I wanted to convince myself it was a weird dream but guess it’s not,” Jongdae stares at his older self, mind going to overdrive with ridiculous theories. Most of which come from sci-fi movies but Jongdae comes to no conclusion, seeing how that logic doesn't apply to having a time traveling older version of yourself visiting you. “So what are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know, I’m supposed to be scheduled for a solo comeback after my hiatus finishes. God, I hope nobody files a missing person report in 2022.”

“Is there some other important reason that you’ve comeback to 2013?”

Older Jongdae goes quiet and pensive at he turns back to looking over Luhan’s sleeping form, removing his hand from the chinese male’s head.

There’s probably something really significant for the time travel if Older Jongdae is still stuck in 2013. If only there was some magical fairy godmother to explain everything for them. Jongdae can almost see the clockwork in his older self’s head ticking along as he smiles suddenly, lips curling into a mischievous smirk that Jongdae knew spelt trouble.

“Maybe my predestined mission wasn’t to just impart my skills to my younger self so that he could hook up with his bandmate….”

Jongdae frowns as Older Jongdae trails off. “And?”

“We have to take you out for a test run, like you know, getting a driver’s license with riding, parking and reversing except with dick.”

“A sex license.” Jongdae deadpans at Older Jongdae, who’s also looking like a teenage boy caught laughing at a dirty joke.

“An _imaginary_ sex license.” Older Jongdae repeats, acknowledging Jongdae as the look on his younger self’s face gets more incredulous with every passing second. “I have a feeling I’d be able to go back after you earn it.”

“I can’t just tell Luhan hi hyung let me sit on your dick so that my future self can go home, I don’t need anyone else to think I’m going crazy!”

“I didn’t mean that, I meant me and you.”

“You and me?”

“Yeah, _me and you_. The other way round.”

“...Oh.”

 _Oh._ Jongdae’s eyes widens a second later. “You want me to top you?”

Older Jongdae laughs lowly as he reclines backwards, petting his naked thighs while laying next to Luhan scrumptiously. “When you’re ready, _baby._ ”

Jongdae suddenly feels a craving for strong coffee, maybe he could munch on bitter coffee beans. Maybe that way he’d really wake up.

“I need to take a raincheck. And whoever said men really start maturing in their late twenties and thirties is lying.”

"Or maybe you could just talk to Luhan like a regular person?"

"Sex sounds easier."

"I don't think that will solve anything."

"Do you still like coffee? Or are you some ghost that doesn't eat?"

".... I don't know."

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry to say but this fic is actually around 3/4 completed . terrible i know. real life commitments had popped up last minute, but i didnt want to drop out because i grew attached to this prompt. i'm still writing and will update soon. I hope everyone likes the fic overall, I had great fun writing. Thanks to the mods for their patience and for managing this round!
> 
>  
> 
> [I saw these while reading the prompts and decided i MUST write it](https://31.media.tumblr.com/846b6853227039b5c243cffbc93f0880/tumblr_n4b5kv6uvl1s9wqk7o1_500.png)


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